dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
