You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
