Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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