Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen

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  (586): if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/wvv2
  Replies (0) Good night (1597) Bad night (669)
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  (408): View more from California

  At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.

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  (408): At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now. http://tfl.nu/049i
  Replies (10) Good night (827) Bad night (1882)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.

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  (610): NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS. http://tfl.nu/4d7u
  Replies (17) Good night (805) Bad night (3188)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20878) Bad night (2584)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room

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  (325): I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room http://tfl.nu/mue9
  Replies (53) Good night (4651) Bad night (2584)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

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  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6914) Bad night (1370)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.

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  (970): I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now. http://tfl.nu/y6ao
  Replies (10) Good night (2848) Bad night (1090)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.

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  (847): Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised. http://tfl.nu/qe86
  Replies (7) Good night (2766) Bad night (1280)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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  (913): Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. http://tfl.nu/f12g
  Replies (1) Good night (2240) Bad night (760)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.

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  (647): I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat. http://tfl.nu/9m2y
  Replies (3) Good night (862) Bad night (636)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.

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  (847): I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am. http://tfl.nu/8371
  Replies (1) Good night (1238) Bad night (555)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...

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  (970): Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out... http://tfl.nu/zr6z
  Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (528)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth

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  (956): One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth http://tfl.nu/vmxy
  Replies (2) Good night (513) Bad night (774)
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  (323): View more from California

  Your cock deserves a montage

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  (323): Your cock deserves a montage http://tfl.nu/nty6
  Replies (1) Good night (1376) Bad night (623)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Awee what are you going to name your new dog?

  (315): View more from New York

  What dog?

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  (315): Awee what are you going to name your new dog? (315): What dog? http://tfl.nu/kx71
  Replies (7) Good night (995) Bad night (816)

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