Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.