i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance