quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park