Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
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I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So vagazzling was a success
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