I want to have your abortion
and you said cock pushups were impossible
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing