i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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