Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
