brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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