worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
