She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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