Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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