Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Life is so much better after having sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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