I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
