You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
