if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
