Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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