he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
