My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
