i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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