You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
