Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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