In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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