i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
foreskin is a definite game changer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
