the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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