Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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