Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
