its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
