i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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