My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
