so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize