I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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