I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
