God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
