3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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