yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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