Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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