his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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