just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
