I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
