Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize