He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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