Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
