I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
