The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
