I wish my penis had an off switch
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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