I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
