They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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