Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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