can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
