And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
