I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
