did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
