you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
