I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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