I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
