Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
