She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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