he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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