I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
