so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
